Muffin's secret life
by I-Blame-It-On-The-Nargles
Summary: Muffin wasn't a normal cat. A normal cat wouldn't have the voice of a goddess in it's head telling it to do things it didn't want to do. A one-shot written merely for my amusment.


**A/N: I don't own Muffin, Bast, Sadie Kane, or pretty much anything in this story. I do, however, own Muffin's thoughts. MWAHAHA!**

_Meow_, thought Muffin.

Or, at least, that's what her person, Sadie, thought she was thinking. Muffin found it quite entertaining that the humans thought they owned cats, when, in truth, it was actually the other way around.

Sadie was lying on her bed, listening to music and chewing gum. Muffin thought this might be a good petting opportunity, and hopped up next to her.

"Go away, cat," Sadie muttered, shoving Muffin off the bed. "I don't want cat hair in my gum."

Muffin's hair bristled and she stalked out of the room. Obviously she had been wrong to think she'd get petted.

She walked down the stairs, went over to the door, and sat down. The old guy-person glanced at her momentarily, then returned his gaze to his rugby game. Muffin meowed. Nothing happened. She meowed again. The old guy-person glanced at her again. She meowed louder, more persistent this time.

"Fine, cat, I'll let you out," grunted the guy-person, getting up out of his chair. As Muffin walked regally out, she heard him mumble "Wouldn't be able to the hear the game over you anyway."

_Scratch his eyes out!_ cried the voice of Bast in Muffin's head. _He doesn't appreciate you! Harm him! _

Muffin lazily reached up and scratched his leg. "OW!" yelled the old guy-person. Muffin ran off down the street before he could retaliate. It was good to be a cat.

A few short hours later, Muffin found herself walking down the Thames, her tail high in the air, her too-big ears quivering slightly in the wind. Suddenly she sat down and sniffed. _FANCY FEAST!_ exclaimed Bast's voice. _GO FIND IT!_ Muffin obliged, trotting toward the smell. She found an old lady-person scraping out a can of Fancy Feast for two white cats at her feet. Muffin meowed pitifully.

"Oh, well aren't you a cute thing!" the old lady-person said, reaching out to pet her. Muffin rubbed against her hand. "So sweet! I'd give you some food, but there's barely any left." Muffin rubbed more vigorously, and looked at the lady-person through half-closed eyes. "Ah well," sighed the old lady-person. "I'll give you some." Muffin lapped it up happily then ran off. The white cats had been glaring at her, and she would not tolerate being glared at.

Sometimes, Bast's voice was encouraging, other times it was annoying. _Go over there! Towards those boxes! We can catch mice!_

Muffin didn't _want_ to catch mice, so she ignored Bast, although Bast was trying hard to control her and make her obey her.

_Noooo!_ wailed Bast. _Go catch mice! It's fun! _

Fun? Muffin didn't think so. Catching mice was something street cats did, not ones hosting a Egyptian goddess. She was special.

It was getting dark, so Muffin began to trot towards home. Her person might miss her, or she might not have even noticed she was gone. Muffin was betting on the second one.

Suddenly, she saw the glow of eyes from a alleyway. She stopped, peering to see what it was.

A really big rat. That's what it was. _Get it!_ Bast said. _It'll be even more fun than catching mice!_

_Fine, _Muffin huffed mentally in cat language, and padded slowly over to it. She growled deep in her throat, and the rat seemed to not be intimidated. Extending a claw-drawn paw towards it, she lowered herself down, ready to pounce.

Obviously, the rat didn't like that, and came towards her, baring it's teeth. Muffin sprang, digging her claws into it. The rat made a screaming noise and tried to bit her. Muffin wheeled around quickly and swiped at it's eyes, then ran away. She could hear the rat screaming in pain behind her.

_Why did you leave?_ demanded Bast._ You should have finished it off!_

Muffin didn't care about anything except that she didn't get hurt, and that she probably would have if she'd stayed. She was too cute a cat to get hurt.

When she got to the door of her person's house, she meowed loudly until Sadie opened the door.

"Hey, cat, I didn't even know you left," Sadie said, chewing more gum.

Muffin expected that. Sometimes she wished she had a different person. But then there was the times when Sadie was a great person. Not much, but enough to keep her happy. Muffin rubbed against Sadie's legs as she entered the house, and was rewarded by a pat on the head. Her person strode into the kitchen, and Muffin heard food being scraped into a bowl. "Dinner!"

Good. She was starving. Her life outside the house could be exhausting.


End file.
